Fuel Your Will

To my Dad on Father’s Day

As with most families there are always ups and downs, and no one is ever going to see eye to eye all the time. I think that it would be reasonable to say that my relationship with my father is no exception. As I grow older, I remember more good than bad (forever the optimist I am), and though our own hurt and sorrow was at times projected onto the other, there’s always been love there. To the dad’s and daughters (and sons) out there, who are experiencing a strain in their relationship, know that if there was once love then it is still present, like the tides, sometimes you just need to wait for it to ebb up over your toes again.

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone." — Reba McEntire

Success is defined by the individual, and the path to success is just as varied. Regardless of the path you take, you’ll need to know where you’re heading, have the strength and perseverance to keep moving forward and a bright mental attitude when darkness threatens your dreams.

STOP!!!! Don’t start disrobing just yet, it’s not that kind of streaking.  What I’m talking about is similar to a winning streak in sports, when a team has been winning for several games in a row without a loss and wants to maintain that record. It takes hardly any effort to draw an X through a day on a calendar but seeing all of those X’s lining up day after day will make it much harder for you to skip one.  Every X you place on the calendar will activate your brains reward system and that allows for a little dopamine to be released, which feels so good.

"Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain but all the happiness and growth occurs when you're climbing it." - Andy Rooney.

How you approach climbing a mountain can be a metaphor for how you approach your goals in life. The top of the mountain is the destination, it is the goal, but there are often several different paths you can choose all still leading to the top, but they varying in degree of difficulty. Choosing the path that is the right challenge for your skill level can very well determine if you’ll even make it to the top and perhaps more importantly if you’ll enjoy the hike getting there.

If there’s one thing I’ve grown comfortable with over the last decade it is the feeling of vulnerability. It is the feeling of putting myself out there, working, learning, stumbling, failing and getting back up to do it all over again. With each attempt and willingness to fail you will get more accustom to the feeling, you will start to build up your armor of experience and just embrace the opportunity to be in the arena.

“Your real battle is not with the outside world,
it is with an enemy that hides deep within you.
Find it, Fight it and Set yourself free.
The key to your freedom lies in your deepest fear.”
― Henna Sohail

There is a traitor amongst the ranks, a treacherous, conniving and weak individual has slithered into the encampment, and lays in wait. They will go unnoticed, observing, watching and listening…finding the weaknesses and plotting their approach.

You have yet to notice this interloper, for you’ve been on the battlefield fighting, sweating, pushing through the frontlines and straining yourself all to show your support for your BetterYou.

Being healthy is not a destination, it is a continuous journey and you must wrap your head around the idea that consistent quality nutrition and physical movement are not the means to an end. There is no end, the means are the end and you’re only suffering if that’s what you tell yourself. If the idea of moving your body and eating healthy for the rest of your life creates feelings of anxiety and anguish, then it’s time to employ a little leverage, by visualizing two different futures.

“The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of the questions you are asking yourself” - Tony Robbins

You can only have an answer if there is a question, thus the questions you ask will determine the answers you receive, and the answers you receive will dictate your results. If you don’t like your results, start evaluating your questions.

Author’s Note: This article was written by me for me, and the topic is one I’ve been actively tackling internally for the past year and even more so now. This is me working out my feelings and coaching myself to change my own thought patterns.

The desire for recognition is inherent, we want others to see and appreciate the work we’ve done, we are social beings and as such what our peer group thinks of us matters. It is even more prevalent today with social media and the ability for so many people to see the work that we’ve been doing, and yet it makes it even easier for us to focus on the lack of acknowledgment instead of the support received. 

Why does this happen and where can you go from here???

“As much as this will not be easy, it’s better to choose life even through the struggles.” - Unknown

You Matter

Never forget or take lightly, the true wonder that needed to take place in order for you to come into existence, the miracle of life is truly miraculous. Remind yourself during times of strife and hardship that you’ve already overcome vast odds just to be here now. Though at times you may wish to not be in the present experiencing and enduring unforeseen challenges - but just as your existence matters so does your experiences. Each experience is a thread in the woven tapestry of your life, and those threads that are thicker and harder to handle are usually the ones that enable you to weave an even bigger and more glorious mantle.

“The very heart of yoga practice is ‘abyhasa’ – steady effort in the direction you want to go.” – Sally Kempton

I ask you to get on the mat, because stepping on the mat is stepping into yourself. Each inhale and exhale brings more awareness to the present moment, to the current version of yourself, and with more awareness comes great change. Each backbend taken opens your heart and allows you to be vulnerable, to breathe into the vulnerability to stay with it and accept it as part of the practice. Each forward fold reminds you of the discomfort of stretching while also cultivating the strength and comfort you have within yourself. In order to practice yoga, you need to practice consistently, with practice comes a greater practice.

Like most things in life, roadblocks are all about how you see them and thus how you respond to them. Use them to your advantage, take them as they come or let them send you into a tailspin. If it’s in your path you either put it there or there’s something better waiting for you - detours are usually much more scenic and enjoyable anyway.

A Pathway to Knowledge or a Self-Created Pit of Apathy

“I don’t know”, this response (because it is not an answer) can either open you up to understanding and growth or can allow you to take no responsibility and stay in chosen ignorance. Regardless of which, if this is your current response then take the time to learn what the answer is, do not allow yourself to be okay with “I don’t know”.

“Change lives on the horizon.”
― T.F. Hodge

See where you want to be, keep visualizing and close your eyes until you can actually begin feel what it will be like. It a lot harder to move forward when you’re pushing off the weight that is holding you down. Stop pushing yourself away and start pulling yourself ahead.

“When two ducks get into a fight, it never lasts long – they soon separate and fly off in opposite directions. Each duck then flap its wings vigorously several times.” – Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth)

Emotions are just thoughts with more energy, and if you transform some of that emotional energy into kinetic energy you can understand the thoughts more clearly and then begin the process of letting go.

If all you focus on is what’s not going right, what’s wrong and how bad the situation is then that’s all you’ll find, if you want to change your circumstances you need to focus on solutions. Change your internal dialogue to one of self-power by removing ‘they’ and ‘them’ from it; blaming your company, co-workers, spouse, family or friends for your life situations will only weaken you. Keep asking yourself what can you do about this, are there choices you haven’t considered? Don’t expect others priorities to match yours, they are different for everyone and it’s up to you to make a life that reflects your values.

Remember “there is more than one way to cook an egg” and so long as the egg is completely cooked and salmonella free chances are no one will get sick from eating it. There are many options between all or nothing and doing what you can is almost always better and more beneficial than doing nothing.  Let go of the self-imposed road blocks to progress, see all of the options, there is value in some and done.