Want Different Results? Start Questioning Your Questions.
“The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of the questions you are asking yourself”
Tony Robbins
You can only have an answer if there is a question, thus the questions you ask will determine the answers you receive, and the answers you receive will dictate your results. If you don’t like your results, start evaluating your questions.
We all know that questions are what gives us answers, but rarely do we actually spend time questioning our questions – seems ironic but questions need to be questioned. Everything we believe and everything we wish to accomplish are based solely on the questions we ask ourselves, and when we start changing those questions our answers change and so do our results.
The Power of Why
Using questions that start with WHY, lead to answer that are geared to support a choice, action, idea or belief that is already present. In other words, you already know the results you’re getting or wish to receive and now you’re looking for answers to support those results. There are times when WHY questions can be extremely helpful and beneficial but they can also be enormously detrimental and blind you from finding the answers you need in order to change.
Brooke Castillo has a podcast solely about the power of “Your Hard Why” , which is the one answer that will keep you committed to working towards your goals through the most difficult times. It’s the reason that will prevent you from giving up, it will bolster your efforts when choices in the moment seem easier than those that will serve you in the long run. This is the WHY question that you’ll want to spend time cultivating, pondering and evaluating. When you’re not getting the results you want, it could be because your ‘Hard Why”, is softer than you think.
On the flip side, questions like “Why can’t I” “Why me” or “Why is this so hard” will give you answers that will deflate your continued efforts and support the ideas as to why you should just give up. Seriously think about this for a moment, if you’re trying to shed weight and it’s been really challenging you may ask yourself “Why is this so hard for me?”, that question will only give you answers that support the fact that you’re having a hard time. These types of WHY questions do not provide answers that offer solutions or reaffirm the reasons you started the process to begin with. These WHY questions will keep you in self-pity and apathy and do not inject energy or action into the situation at hand. So, what’s the right question?
WHAT and I
If you’re in a challenging situation, if you actually want to find out exactly what you’re trying to achieve and the steps or processes that will get you there, then your question needs to start with WHAT and include I. “What can I do to make this better” “What other options do I have” “What path have I not considered yet” “What can I do in the future to help me in a situation like this” or “What results am I trying to achieve”. These are questions geared towards finding a solution that is within your control and are action orientated. You will not find answers that will allow you to lament and stew in helplessness - when you start asking questions with “WHAT and I” you will only find answers where the responsibility is on you (newsflash you want the responsibility for your life and life choices) and ways or tactics that you can employ to achieve the results you want.
Be Wary of HOW
Many would think that asking HOW questions would be helpful in laying out a blue print or map to achievement, but this is not always the case. HOW questions can you lead down a slippery slope of investigation and even more questions. Asking HOW can be useful after you’ve received answers to your WHAT, but often the HOW will become apparent once you start taking action. The HOW may be different from person to person or situation to situation and often HOW is best answered after you’ve actually achieved what you desired. HOW can lead you to the answer of “I don’t know”, because even though deep within you somewhere laying in the back of your consciousness the HOW is there, you may not be able to access it yet and it can seem too vast to comprehend and become paralyzing. Most HOW questions can be restated as WHAT questions which will direct you to more definitive concrete answers.
In summary, if you’re having problems achieving the results that you desire, stop and think about the questions you’re asking. Use WHY when you are looking for supportive information that can be used when the road to success is hard. Think about “WHAT and I” as a dynamic duo that gives you action orientated answers while reminding you of the power you have over your life and the choices you make. The prickly HOW is best left as a question asked after you’ve already reached achievement and other’s wish to hear the regaling stories of your accomplishments.
If you’d like to learn more about how the questions you ask shape and reinforce your beliefs check out Personal Power by Tony Robbins.
Copyright 2020 Strength & Grace Life Coaching LLC