Trapped? - Check Your Pocket for the Key
“Every wall that would entrap me has a door that would free me. And I languish because the fear of freedom often leaves me preferring the familiarity of the wall.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough
Have you ever woken up in the morning jaw hurting from clenching it all night long with thoughts of: another crappy day where I have no control over how my time is spent, where any energy I do have is used working for others, I will once again disappoint myself by not moving my body and will most likely end the night with either a glass of wine or a large bowl of ice cream? If any of this sounds familiar, please know you are not alone and also know there is a way out.
What I described above was me through most of my twenties and early thirties. Initially when I landed my job I was thrilled, I was in the science field with a degree in Marine Biology, quickly though I became restless and I kept thinking - I just need to move up the ladder I just need to get a promotion. When that happened, I was thrilled…. again, then shortly there-after disappointed…again. I moved into a different department, then a year or two later, switched departments again, then another 18 months passed and I switched again. I had thought that switching departments and moving up the ladder would make me happier, and for a brief time it would, but the feeling would never last.
When friends would ask “how’s work”, I would give the answer that I thought all adults gave “work is work” with a shrug and a smirk. I only saw what was negative, what wasn’t working, what I didn’t have and I never let my mind focus on what was good in my life: a loving and caring husband, a home close to family and a job I was competent in with a health care plan, paid vacations and co-workers whose company I enjoyed. I also kept disappointing myself and blaming others or external circumstances ‘beyond my control’ for it. I literally gave power over my life to others because unknowingly I didn’t want to take responsibility for my life choices. It was so much easier to just stay in my comfort zone of suffering, and blame my situation on everyone but myself. It took me a good 7 years before the shift started to happen and I realized that the only constant between all of this was me, and in truth I was making the choice to not choose.
If any of this resonates with you, this is what I can tell you for sure:
Until you can recognize what is positive with where you are now, the future will be no different
Numbing yourself is just putting blinders on
When it comes to work or your well-being - You have to Draw the Line
“Larry said he could understand the complaint, but what he did not understand was that all the people who quit - every single one - had unused vacation time. Up until the day they left, they did everything McKinsey asked of them before deciding that it was too much.
Larry implored us to exert more control over our careers. He said McKinsey would never stop making demands on our time, so it was up to us to decide what we were willing to do. It was our responsibility to draw the line.” – Sheryl Sandberg
The only way to be free is to accept responsibility for your life and your mindset
Here are some actionable steps
Write down everything that is good and beneficial in your life, refer to it often
Stand in your Truth – Pen to Paper
Planning and Scheduling – don’t let the day lead you, you lead the day, become aware of where you are spending your time and is it being used in a way that best serves you.
Finances – if this is what is causing stress, then it’s time to put it all down and create a budget, if needed ask for help with this
Health – figure out where you are now and then focus on the steps to get you to where you want to be, write it all done – start small
Change your self-talk to one that reinforces the truth about your choices. EXAMPLE: instead of “work is making me stay late” change it to “I am choosing to stay late at work” – this will lead you to either accept your choice or move you make a different one
Surround yourself with those that have reclaimed their power, and remove yourself from complaint campaigns
Begin visualizing who you want to be (write down the characteristics), and continually ask if the decisions you are making are aligned with that identity.
If all you focus on is what’s not going right, what’s wrong and how bad the situation is then that’s all you’ll find, if you want to change your circumstances you need to focus on solutions. Change your internal dialogue to one of self-power by removing ‘they’ and ‘them’ from it; blaming your company, co-workers, spouse, family or friends for your life situations will only weaken you. Keep asking yourself what can you do about this, are there work arounds you haven’t considered what choices can you make that will still complete the task but empower you at the same time? Don’t expect others priorities to match yours, they are different for everyone and it’s up to you to make a life that reflects your values.
Copyright 2020 Strength & Grace Life Coaching LLC