...And Then I Ate Two Brownies
3 Self-Sabotage Mindsets and How to Combat Them
“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” – Alyce Cornyn-Selby
When you think about all of the time and effort spent working towards your goals: the hurdles jumped over, the old habits broken, the finger tearing climb upward and perhaps the tears shed along the way, only to trip over your own damn feet at the end, sliding down several steps, that’s self-sabotage. Self-sabotage may be the most infuriating and most effective mental roadblock, because it’s hard to believe that it exists. In order to combat your conniving self, you’ve got to accept your own double agent tendencies, because when you understand the reasons behind why this happens, you can prepare for and combat it. Here are three to look out for.
1.) You Don’t Believe it Could Actually Happen
Sabotage in Action:
The brain likes its beliefs to match up with reality, and when they don’t this is known as Cognitive Dissonance. (the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.) When this happens, the brain will do what’s necessary to bring them as close as possible. If you believe more in your failure than your success (possibly due to your own self-worth) but attempt your goal anyway you will most likely fail. You may have set the goal but you never did the internal work (envisioning yourself achieving and ensuring your own self-worth) required.
Example: I recently achieved a weight that I never thought was possible…then I immediately ate two brownies. (TRUE STORY)
Your Battle Plan:
Write down exactly what it will be like when you achieve your goal, and write it as if it’s already happened (I refer to this as a futurecast with my clients). This will help the brain start to see it as an inevitable and start forming the thoughts to create the steps to make it a reality.
Write down at least 10 reason why you are worthy enough for this goal…read them every day.
2.) Scared of Heights
Sabotage in Action:
The higher up you climb, the more you achieve, the bigger distance you put between yourself and base camp the greater the potential fall. If you stay down at base camp then you don’t have to worry about falling because you haven’t climbed any higher. Here you’re aware of your own disbelief in yourself, and this is preventing you from even trying.
Your Battle Plan:
Go out and fail at something right now, and then get back up. Seriously I fail all the time, and I just call it learning. This mindset, of learning has enabled me to push myself further and succeed more than ever before. I know that so long as I’ve learned something and still get up then I’m not done yet.
WRITE DOWN (HOLY GOD LIZ…how many pens do you think I have) every characteristic, trait and personal requirement needed to attain your peak. Then figure out what actions you’ve already taken (or will take) to re-affirm those characteristics within you. Remember, these are characteristics, so you could have used them in a different area of your life, don’t let your mind stall you to thinking but that was a different situation. They are traits and characteristics; these are rock formations not wispy clouds.
3.) I Wasn’t Even Trying
“Oh yea….I didn’t reach my goal, but I mean I wasn’t even trying so like whatever”
Sound familiar at all…raise your hand!
Sabotage in Action:
Not showing up fully is an emotional safe guard against vulnerability that has you tying one hand behind your back while almost always ensuring failure. To step into the arena, to really try means risking vulnerability, but I ask, if you’re not risking something then what’s the point of even trying at all? In order to succeed you have to walk into the land of failure, you have to be vulnerable in order to attain true success.
Your Battle Plan:
Wait…just wait for it…hold on….are you getting the hint? PAUSE before taking on your goal and research first. Find out exactly what it takes to actually show up and try, talk to someone that has done it before, and write it all down.
Then look at the list of necessary actions, and ask yourself if you’re willing to commit to every single one of them to your fullest potential (also define what your fullest potential is). If not then figure out why, and either make changes to the demands that are preventing you or pick a different goal.
The path to your goal will already contain plenty: blind turns, mis-directions, steep inclines and unforeseen stumbles. There’s no need for you to add bricks to your back pack, forget the map and fail to bring water. Show up ready to climb, show up ready for the challenge and show up with the vision of you already on top of the mountain.
Copyright 2020 Strength & Grace Life Coaching LLC
For more information on Self-Sabotage, Check out this Article in the Psychology Today
For more information on futurecasts, check out “You’re a Badass” by Jen Sincero