Mind Your Tribe - 4 Relationship Criteria to Consider
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn
The results are in, social connection is a critical part of our overall well-being and success. The data also indicates that the quality of those connections matter far more than quantity, and negative relationships can be more detrimental than positive relationships can be beneficial.
“In the case of negative emotions, Mirgain explains that they can actually have a greater impact than positive ones. When comparing the effects of a positive relationship to a negative one, the de-energizing connection (or negative) has an impact that is four to seven times greater than a positive or energizing relationship.” https://www.uwhealth.org/health-wellness/the-happiness-ripple-effect/50784
A life of solitude is not conducive to well-being and happiness - but that does not mean you can’t be selective with whom you spend time with. The fact that negative relationships are four to seven times more impactful than positive ones, means that allowing yourself to be involved in relationships that are unsupportive, dishonest and demoralizing can offset some of your closest supportive relationships. Sometimes stepping away instead of trying to fix something that is not working for either party is the best option. You are only here for a short period of time, to be your best you need relationships where: each of you can be yourselves, you inspire each other through your own actions, you celebrate and support each other’s successes and the relationship is one of honesty and equality.
Be Yourselves With
Have you ever had a friend or family member that prior to seeing them you go over a mental checklist of the things you can and can’t say or do? Then when you do see them, you sit there, kind of like an empty shell trying to look like you’re having fun but deep down you’re stressed out and completely uncomfortable praying that you’re depicting the right persona as to not offend them. Afterwards you’re hoping that you portrayed whoever you clearly are not, in order to please someone else and maintain the ‘relationship’. Now why exactly are you spending so much time and effort to keep someone in your life who doesn’t even want you to be you? You need to spend time with those that allow you to breathe, those who actually want you to be who you are because they like who you are. Everyone has flaws, no one is perfect, but the company you keep needs to remind you that who you are matters, that there is more good in you then not, and whom would rather spend time with your imperfect real self then not.
2. You Inspire Each Other Through Your Own Actions
Keep company with those that are a little different than you, those who have characteristics that you wish to emulate and make you want to be a better version of yourself. A stagnant life is not a life well lived, and being surrounded by people that do not exhibit traits or accomplishments that you strive for, means you are limiting yourself. Often times in order for you to improve you need to see it in another first. Being able to watch someone you care about work hard and achieve their goals is what we all should want. Watching success happen for others confirms that it is possible for you, and if it you want to achieve those goals then you have a resource whose traits and habits you can model to produce a similar result.
3. You Believe In Each Other and Celebrate Success
Just as you want to be inspired and happy for others achievements they should also truly want to see you succeed (as you define success) and believe in your abilities. When you are growing and stretching yourself in the pursuit of a goal there will be periods of doubt where you begin to question your abilities, the direction your heading in and the steps you are taking. Having the presence of someone who reminds you of your strengths and is able to infuse you with their belief in you when your own is shattering will enable you to keep pushing yourself further. Have people that are truly in your corner, who express as much celebration and joy over your accomplishments as they do their own.
4. The Relationship is Equal and Honest
There must be an equal give and take with any true relationship. If they are there for you and cheering you on, then you are doing the same. WE are all imperfect, and having someone there to give a view of yourself that is different than your own is vital. You may be unaware of how the things you do or say are perceived by others and getting that insight can make you a better person, but it must come from a place of equality. Having someone who is constantly chastising you and reminding you of all your faults in an elitist manner will not spur change. However, if they are sitting with you not above you, giving advice while letting you change in your own time (because change takes time) and still loving you for who you are will give you the support needed to make the changes you want to.
We are all here to become better, improve, learn and grow. We are meant to do this with the support of others and we are also meant to give that support. In order to become who you are meant to be, you will need to go through changes that are painful and hard- you need to love yourself in order to make all that effort worth it. Your tribe is there to pick you up when you’ve fallen, cheer for you when you succeed, show you that anything is possible and sit with you not above you. Hanging on to detrimental relationships is not conducive to positive growth. In the blink of an eye it will all be over, support those you care about, keep challenging yourself and keep reaching out to those that support you and those that you also support. Relationships are never one sided, and it is not one person that is making the relationship toxic it is both and it is how you relate to each other and react to one another. So if you are part of a tribe that is there for you and you are there for them, appreciate each other, show up for each other, let one another know how important the relationship is.
Copyright 2019 Strength & Grace Life Coaching LLC