If you are Down, Lift Another Up

“Kindness boggles my mind. It's the only force in nature that increases simultaneously for the giver and the receiver.” - Daniel Lubetzky

If you are reading this and are having trouble finding joy in what has been dubbed the “Happiest Time of Year”, know that you are not alone. If there are problems or issues that you are going through with no current solution know that others have been there too. When you’ve spent hours trying to figure out how to change your thoughts, or your perception without any improvement know that this is okay. What may actually help you is helping another. Yes, I know it’s hokey and cliche but you cannot deny the scientific data – practicing kindness, compassion and goodwill increases your overall well-being.

When you shift your focus outward onto others and are actually able to brighten their day, your own self–worth is boosted. The fact that you did something worthwhile and beneficial reinforces your own worth, because one cannot do worthy things and not be worthy, in order to do good one must be good. This increase in self-efficacy changes your thinking to one that is more creative, open-minded and resilient.

The Science Behind it:

When you participate in an act that aids another and does not directly add value to yourself or own situation, the brain’s pleasure center lights up. This neurological phenomenon has been proven in studies done at Emory University and termed as Helper’s High.: A state of euphoria that is experienced by one that is engaged in a charitable activity.

Let this sink in, the human brain is literally wired for compassion and cooperation. Your biology will respond to you aiding another by giving you a little neurological pat on the back with the release of serotonin into your system, and it does not go unnoticed. According to studies done by Christine Carter PhD, the reason why one may be feeling stronger and more energetic could be linked to some small act of kindness shown to a stranger like: holding a door open, carrying books into the library for an elder or shoveling a neighbor’s driveway.

This idea of making oneself feel better by helping another may make some question or judge the validity and purity of the act. The whole point is to do something that is not for you but for the benefit of someone else, right? My thoughts on this comes down to two points.

1.) We did not create the reward system that we were born with. This is our biology and physiology, we must be programmed this way for a reason. If we didn’t experience the euphoric reaction when participating in acts of kindness would there be less kindness in the world?

2.) Does knowing that you will feel better when authentically helping out another change the benefit experienced by the recipient? If the person you are aiding is benefiting from what you are doing, does it really matter? I feel the decision to help needs to come from a place of willingness and acceptance. That you are willing to get out of your head to help another and that you also accept the fact that this may not change the circumstances in your life, but it does remind you that there is more to life than just your current situation.

You were born with a “reward system” for compassion, if you haven’t been practicing it that doesn’t mean you can’t play the game. Studies have shown that compassion can be learned, and if you take the time to practice compassion to integrate it into your life, you too can benefit from being kind to others.

You can start with just giving small compliments. I frequently give compliments to people if I notice something that I admire within them. I’ll never forget the first time I became aware of the power of an unprompted compliment. I was in yoga training and one of my fellow yogi’s was wearing a dress that showed her strong defined back, I realized she may not even be aware of it since it’s pretty hard to see one’s own back. I got up from my table, walked over to her and let her know that it looked amazing. She smiled and thanked me, but there was more, I could tell my one little compliment lifted her up, she brightened a little and when I realized this, it made me feel good. I liked the fact that just by being honest and taking the time to say it, I was able to make someone else feel good about themselves. This one instance comes back into my head time and time again, whenever I notice an admirable quality in someone else, I think, they may not even know, let them know, let them see themselves through another’s eyes.

Compliments and kindness costs nothing, yet there’s a tendency to hoard them to ourselves as if they are in short supply. Start bestowing compliments on others, start sowing seeds of kindness into the gardens of your communities, you will lose nothing and can only gain in return. We are wired for kindness and cooperation, if you can brighten someone’s day then do so, it can only add brightness to yours.

Elizabeth SimmonsDecember 23, 2019